Chocolate for Breakfast

2009-05-20T15:46:00.001-07:00

Chocolate for breakfast?

my wonderful night spent with a manatee hooker on the Botswana coastline.

2009-05-19T23:39:00.000-07:00

you fucking flips and your damn nursing/break dancing capabilities. you are more surpressed than the irish which is really saying something. lets face it, the irish are some some pathetic mutha fuckas getting killed by the potato famine and a sinking ship, but all still are lous at everything you do. you cant create your own culture so you try to do adopt the afro american life style of hip hop and break dancing. now mater what you do you will always be just another type of orientle stupid chinks. you can be as"gangsta" as you want but you will always be tiny dicked, flat chested little gooks. just give up now before you make to big of fools out of our selves. no one likes you, no one appreciates your culture or food. your food, well, it tastes like my dogs shit. you deserve to be annihilated by the god damn spaniards. lets be honest while were at it. the spanish could barely defend themselves aginst the moors which are some fucking towel heads when ya get down get it. im drunk and rambilng so im gunna stop now. but the point is...flips suck my big hairy ball sack. your not black, your not asian you are the rejects of the oldest societies. dont reproduce, dont try to succeed, you just suck.

good night and bad luck,

hairy hobbit

The Triumvirate Goes on Vacation: the Lieutenant's Epic Voyage to the Heart of Darkness and her Call for the Triumvirate to Keep our Stories Alive

2009-05-15T08:19:00.000-07:00

The Triumvirate welcomes you to the days of the fiery hell-sun, that season of reckless abandon and lust. As avid followers and practitioners of the blog's paths diverge, its future waits upon the horizon of either destitution or reinvention.

The Lieutenant has relinquished her claim to civilized society and goes forth into the very heart of darkness, the thumping pumping bloody organ of the earth, Africa. There she seeks to acquaint the villagers she encounters with the jealous and wrathful god she prays to every night from the lilly pad upon which she floats

harmoniously to sleep, carrying her down the broad stream of her royal estate. Perhaps the primitive peoples will bestow their local wisdom upon her, and she will return with gifts of stick pie and hippopotamus meatloaf that will remind her American friends how truly blessed they are to have Wendy's 99c. menu. To prepare for her spiritual safari, the Lieutenant has sewn a net with which to capture Taye Diggs when he inevitably visits his African blood line. There he is considered a master chef because his stick pies have been deemed edible for three years in a row. Once captured, he will perform the duties of a husband and translator, becoming an indispensable symbol of trust between the Lieutenant and her new nomadic disciples.

As holy wars tend to limit internet access for even the most seasoned crusaders, the Lieutenant entreats all current and aspiring members of the Triumvirate to blog this summer to tell their stories, and the stories of our friends: Maj the Vaj, Caroline, my dear wife Margaret, the only woman I ever loved, etc. Contact the Lieutenant before June 05 for the user information. Since the time of primordial chaos this blog has been a collaborative effort, and I hope it remains so. Much love.

BET video ho Leticia vs. Maj the Vaj: the Conquest of the Concubines and the Revolutionary Agression of the League of Scotchbrite Robots

2009-05-10T18:30:00.000-07:00

Leticia: you look like a rabbit that was left for dead on a hellish desert highway after being exposed to uranium in an oil spill. *Snaps photo for myspace

Maj: Would you like some "Dijon" mustard? It is the Velveeta of mustards, a symbol of immorality among the fleeting insignificant chemical perceptions of mortal life.

Leticia: Have you ever tried that new brand of cleaning your sink shit from scotchbrite incorporated? That shit is fly!

Maj: Yes the low costs of Scotchbrite products are matched only by their endurance and favorable effects on my pug Chunky's bowel movements. There be this one time when Chunky, oh Chunky's such an old fool dog, my lord.

Leticia: Bitch, Im trying to talk to you and get through to that little chipmunk fucked up brain of yours. Scotchbrite Products can be used for everything, in fact, they can even replace your lover whose last whereabouts place him at a gay brothel in northern Idaho. Anyway, you need to buy this shit, it'll cure that fucked up grill and ....

Maj: Damn your booty is fine

Leticia: Do you.. want to touch it?

more coming soon!

I Surived: a RAPE in Brookline, MA (AKA Jew-ville USA)!

2009-03-10T19:56:00.000-07:00

As it were on any other night, Admiral Daniel and Lieutenant Annie ventured toward the province of Amory to clear their heads of the bleakness of sobriety. Now let us speak of the surrounding area of Amory. You see, it has the unfortunate luck of being located in an area highly populated by jewish dissidents: deniers of our great forefather and Lord Stalin. Upon our benches of judicious clarity we stumbled upon two lovers who decided to communicate with their lord Eros, in the most appropriate fashion imaginable: in the back of a black SUV while two stoners watch on innocently.

When they drove away into the maddening haze of their illustrious love affair, we thought it safe to emerge from the wintry forest of Amory's bordertown. But Nayeth, we had been deceived. Upon reaching the Zenith of the driveway entering the street, the Dionysian SUV stopped abruptly, and began to approach us in the reverse. Daniel, in a moment of prophetic epiphany, foresaw their intentions for us acted out against the golden stage of his mind.

"Stay not, Annathan!" Said he. Suddenly I noticed he was wearing tights.

"They wish to harm us in our most precious youthfulness! Follow me to our glorious escape!"

And he grabbed a mysterious wire from the heavens and swung in the direction of the blind facility, taking the Lieutenant with him and once she had grabbed hold, he beat his mighty fists against his chest and communicated with his gorilla brethren.

When the Admiral and Lieutenant had roasted some sour skittles over a make-shift campfire, Daniel revealed the evil mysterious plans of the enraptured couple.

He explained that the sordid lovers were going to take both the admiral and the lieutenant and have their way with them. In the vision, the admiral foresaw the lovers forcing daniel and annie to watch a reel of themselves being tortured. They had in fact mastered time travel and were showing them footage of their own heinous destinies.

Upon hearing her narrowly escaped destiny, anne began to weep profusely (as women do). Thereafter, Dan and Anne both suffered mini-epileptic-seizure-like symptoms which distracted and annoyed them for quite a few minutes. They mustered the energy to stay alive for the sake of the triumvirate. Then sitting beside them at the fire, appeared a puff of smoke, an effigy of the Chieftan Georgia with sage words to guide them forward.

"Worry not about past rape attempts, worry only about future rape attempts. Gentlemen, conduct the triumvirate call"

Anne: "Cooo"

Daniel: "Ooowaaagkh"

Georgia:"Shiyyut. Now listen. There are only two types of rape in this world. The kind you want and the kind you don't want. Learn the difference."

Anne: The redeemer has spoken. Let us go in peace.

2009-03-05T12:34:00.000-08:00

We await the coming of our leader. He flies on wings of silky twine and cries out with the seraphim, "oooahahamtwa."

Say Hello to Gillian Zwenglecock; Master Acrobat

2009-02-27T14:15:00.000-08:00

Triumvirate: Hello Gillian Zwenglecock,

Gillian: Hello

T: Why didn't you burn the tapes?

G: I told you to delete those, you bastards. I never was a communist, only a whore. *Belch* I have few regrets in my life, primarily that in abandonin' Johnny these past few years. Left him in a rucksac not too long ago, when he stopped barkin;, i thought the devil'd all bin takin from him by god almighty.

T: Daisies are beautiful, do you agree or disagree!

G: I don't know. I like lilacs I think. i don't remember what they look like. i saw this martha stewart wedding special and i really liked the flowers she used. do you have sublime?

T: Those are mighty tight pants you have on

G: They're multifunction. I like it tight around my balls. Do you have anymore questions?

T: Tell me everything.

G: Well guys...

Next week: Uncovered! The Fantastic Erotic Secrets of The Infamous Zwenglcock

Queen Margaret the true, Gentlemen:The beginnings!

2009-02-26T14:07:00.000-08:00

Back in the day people used to marry everybody and they used to fuck around a shitload. And their husbands cheated and so did they in order to get their pleasures. So this queen in particular, Margaret was her name. A feisty Spanish queen indeed in a foreign country, she wasn't liked by her people because she was a foreign queen. Let's make that clear. She had a little thing for the youngins, that look like zac efron. She likes to fuck young boys but her weird shit is that she gets off on getting paid. (for that nasty shit, you know) They don't pay her that much money, she just wants to get paid, you know its a concept. She had a shitload of money already. Dude, that bitch broke in all the young boys. You see, she figured if all the boys were experienced, when they met their ladies they'd be all chill about sex, and everyone would be chill about fucking everyone else. So the Queen, would put bracelets on her conquests: a red silk string. So all the ladies in the kingdom gravitated towards the capitol where the masters of the bed chambers resided.

What she was doing is she was secretly planting her morals on the whole kingdom. It should be called sex kingdom, cause you know, she was all about that.

Next week: Sex Kingdom changes the world in the field of battle... in space!

The Team: Georgia, Daniel, and Annie

2009-02-19T19:11:00.000-08:00

This is us in one of our brainstorming sessions. Daniel's getting some big ideas. We're ready for anything.

Poseidon, who has aged very poorly, lifted his head from the tumbling waves of his abode, only to find these three jokers and tokers in the pool. Daniel is the angry brown one, Georgia is the stoney baloney in the back. Annie looks fuckin like she's on somethin.